Crack Hetalia Pairings
by Galaxy Cat777
Summary: This is for all the Crack pairings out there. I write as if they were together. Opinions are opinions and I respect your opinions. Don't read if you don't like. Chapters may vary. But some examples of crack pairings are Prussia and Northern Italy. I just want the crack pairings to be heard off. Rated T for some language! Just for laughs and nothing else! Review and enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

**New story! I will try to keep updating daily. Stupid school you know? This story is about all the crack pairings in the Hetalia fandom. First is America and Belarus. I mean, what the heck! They have nothing in common and I don't even know who came up with this. But in this story, its about if they WERE together. I want to see how this goes. Sorry about my other story. I might come back to update that. Please review! It makes me want to write more! Some people like this pairing. I'm not judging you or anything, but this is my opinion. I respect everyone's opinion, and I am not meaning to upset you.**

America had just walked out of the World Conference meeting bored as ever. He looked around and saw Canada. He didn't want to talk to him because he looked busy. But his eyes fell on one blonde. The scary Belarus!

America's heart felt as if it did 100 pushups and ran a marathon. He felt as if he would die without her. He knew she wanted to marry Russia, but if only he could break her walls and become something more than friends. Maybe not even friends. She probably didn't even know who he was.

He walked up to her with every bit of confidence he had.

"Belarus," he said as if he was in a great deal of pain.

Her cold eyes flew to find the source of the unknown voice. She finally found it.

"What?" she asked in a cold, stern voice.

"I um. I-," he stuttered. Inside Belarus's mind she thought of his name. _Oh what is his name?_ Belarus thought quietly. But she could never put her mind on the name of this stranger.

"Before you continue, what is your name?" she asked.

"My name is America the HERO!" America said confidently. Just calling himself the Hero made him feel better.

Oh. Belarus thought. She had heard her brother talk about an American. The way he described him was like this.

 _"That stupid cocky American. How dare he call me a Commie Bastard! The Soviet Union will live on! Forever! I hate him and everything about him. His stupid voice and why does he eat all those hamburgers? He calls himself the Hero when all he did during WW2 was bomb people. And he expects us to give him money even though the war was not fought even close to his country! Then he shoots a nuclear bomb at me and expects us to be friends. HA! That was good, da?_ _"_

"What do you want American?" she asked as cold as cold can be. She wanted him to go away.

"I was wondering. Would you like to walk with me through Central Park?" He asked. Mentally he was telling himself not to break down. He needed to finish that sentence.

"If it would get me away from you then yes," she replied.

America thought that he would explode right there on the spot.

"I will pick you up around, what? 5 so we have time for a picnic," America said slowly. She only nodded.

"I will pick you up at your hotel room," he stated. She looked at him and scolded and walked away. America did the same.

Russia was hiding behind a plant. "Kolkolkolkolkol," he said aloud and he jumped off of poor Latvia he was sitting on. "Thank you Latvia for the comfy seat," he said. Latvia nodded and slowly got up and popped his back.

"Poor Mr. America. He has it coming now," Latvia whispered to himself as he went to find the Estonia.

 **THIS TIME SKIP LOVES PIE**

America boldly walked up to her room. _Damn. Her hotel room is high up._ He thought. It was true, she was like, on the 39th floor or something like that.

He was dressed in cargo shorts and a loose T-shirt. He didn't have to dress fancy right? They were only going to the park and having a picnic. Nothing to worry about right?

The door slowly opened and there, in the door way, was a Belarus. She was still wearing the same dress she always wore. Her cold eyes flew on America.

"Ready to go?" He asked. She nodded. And they left.

Russia was hiding. And instead of Latvia he was sitting on, it was Estonia. "Kolkolkolkol."

"Ok my Baltic States, do you know the plan?" He asked.

Lithuania nodded and Latvia shook and said, "Y-es sir." Estonia grunted and tried to say Yes, but Russia was putting all his weight on him.

"Good, da?" He said in that childish voice that scared Latvia to death.

 **THIS TIME SKIP SHIPS PRUHUN BIG TIME**

"Right here my lady," America said as he pointed to the picnic that he set up. England and France were there. But they were on cooking duty.

England pulled out of the fancy basket that he had brought, mini sandwiches and wine. "O honhon," France said as he served the wine.

"My ladies and Gent, this is the finest French Wine that you could ever get in France," France said as he poured the wine. England said something about a frog and served the sandwiches. France murmured back something like Black sheep of Europe.

America ate some of the sandwiches and watched Belarus carefully. He hoped no one would notice, but he was sweating like crazy. And while he was staring, France face palmed and England was getting the main course ready.

Belarus was actually getting kind of nervous. He was staring at her and she saw France and England. Japan popped up from behind a bush and quickly took a photo and started playing some kind of music.

England got up and said in an unamusing tone, "Todays main course is BBQ Ribs chose by no other than the Hero America." It sounded as if he was reading from a notecard. Oh wait, he was. "And to accompany the main course is vegetable mix and mashed potatoes. Enjoy." And he handed us our plates and walked off.

America was eating and watched Belarus closely.

Russia was behind the bush and was now sitting on Lithuania. "Ok Latvia, you run up to America and distract him. Say something crazy but believable. The Lithuania and Estonia, you knock out France and England with these bats I have provided. And I grab Belarus and we go, da?" He said. They barley even had time to think before Russia pulled Latvia out of the bush and told him the walk up to America.

"Mr. America. The-re ha-s um been an UFO sight-ing in New York. Uh, come quick! Hurry please!" He stated. America didn't know what to do. Go with Latvia or stay with Belarus. "Coming! Hey Belarus I will get some really cool pics and show you don't worry!" America yelled as he ran off with Latvia.

Lithuania and Estonia walked up behind France and England and hit them in the head with bats. While they were knocked out, Russia grabbed Belarus, but she protested, and ran off.

 **THIS TIME SKIP IS AWESOME**

When America got back, he was shocked. No, he wasn't shocked about the fact that France and England were knocked out and were bleeding from the head, but someone knocked over the ribs! And Belarus was gone. That broke his heart.

He walked over to England and slapped him to wake him up. "What happened?" his voice broke a little.

"Russia, took Belarus. Knocked out by Lithuania," That was all he got out before he went back to sleep.

America was sad. He ended up dragging France and England to their hotel rooms and went to his house.

There was a letter at the front door. He opened it and read it.

 _America,_

 _I had a great time and I think we should do it more often. But we should do it in private or else Russia will find us. Sorry about England and France._

 _Belarus._

At least he went on a date he thought.

 **FIN**

 **I know this chapter was long, but I think I like this. I will try to continue. Bye!**


	2. Chapter 2 America and Canada

**Here we go! America and Canada. Some people might like this ship, but I don't. They are brothers! Sorry to offend anyone who likes this ship. But opinions are opinions. Anyways, enjoy! Maybe some Yaoi later? Idk. Review your vote!**

Canada sat quietly at the World Conference. He had just recovered from the time that Russia sat on him and Belarus tried to kill him for that. He still has a slightly crushed lung because Russia leaned back and squished him. He has to thank America for saving him from not only Russia but Belarus. Canada knew that they were brothers, but he couldn't help but look at him and give him a loving look. Thankfully America has never noticed.

England was blabbering about something and Japan was trying to get America to stop being friends with his whales. Germany was talking to Italy about not putting a grenade in his mouth. And Prussia was arguing with Hungary saying that she is not awesome anymore. Even though he doesn't talk much, he can hear almost everything.

The world meeting ended and they finally got to go home. America caught up with Canada and said.

"Hey Bro! Wanna come to my place?"

Canada froze. _Oh Maple! He's talking to me and he wants me to come to his place later. What should I sat? He's looking at me and everyone else is looking at me too! What should I say? If I say no, he will be sad. And if I say yes I will get into some trouble I would never get out of. What should I do?_ Canada thought.

"Um. Am-America. We uh, we could ju-just um," Canada stuttered.

"Bro it's a yes or no. We aren't going to have sex or anything. Bro and Bro time that's all," America stated.

 _Oh Holy Maple it's he read my mind. Good just some brother and brother bonding time. Maybe a movie or if he is in the mood some Hockey! No sex or anything. He got me there for a second. Oh Maple._

"Ok. I will come over later and we can watch a movie or something," Canada said quickly and hurried off.

 **THIS TIME SKIP LOVES YOLO**

Canada rang the doorbell. He could hear America practically running to the door. America slammed the door open and scared Canada.

"Dude! I have everything planned out! Scariest movie in the history of movies and then maybe some good Kentucky bourbon that I got Kentucky to ship to me. He says its the best bourbon they have!" America said too quickly. **(I live in Kentucky and I thought about adding something about Kentucky in here)**

"Um Ok America," Canada muttered.

Canada walked into his house and sat down on the couch. America played the movie and Canada, well he is now mentally scared for life.

"Ok dude! Movies over! Let's have a little contest. Inside America's mind he was going to get Canada drunk then confess his feelings and the next day Canada won't remember anything!

"What kind of contest?" Canada asked.

"Let's see who can drink the most!" America shouted as he popped the bourbon open.

"Don't worry dude, you have to drink like a ton of this stuff to actually get drunk," America said. _Correct. He had done some research (Or I have) and you need to drink loads to actually get drunk._

"America this stuff smells nasty. Are you sure this is safe to drink?" Canada asked.

"Heck yes! I asked Kentucky and he said yes!" America said as he gulped down his fake bourbon. He switched it and it was vodka.

Canada watched as he took a swig. His eyes grew wide and he started drinking more real fast.

 **TIMEE SKIP!  
**

Canada was drunk. Like really drunk. Every time he tried to talk he would just slur and took another shot. Since they were nations, they wouldn't die. But America was impressed on how much one little Canadian could drink.

"Heyy A'murica. Do youz haffe anymore beeeer?" Canada asked as he drank the last bit.

"No bro. But I have to tell you something," America said.

"Iz it aboot Engwand?" Canada asked.

"No, its about you," America said as he got nervous.

"Whaaatt aboot mee?" Canada slurred again.

"I um, I love you," America's voice broke.

"Anddd I love you too A'murica," Canada said a loud.

America went over and kissed him on the lips. Canada deepened the kiss and there they were. On America's couch, making out.

 **TIMMEE SKIP! YOLO**

Canada woke up with a headache. His head felt as if it was being split open with battle axes. He looked over and saw America hugging him. He was too close.

Canada screamed a very manly scream and America woke up. America looked at him with wide eyes.

"HOLY MAPLE!" Canada screamed. America laughed.

"Do you remember anything about last night?" America asked.

"All I remember is watching that movie and you telling me about a drinking contest," Canada simply said.

"Good," America said flatly.

"Good?" Canada asked America but he said nothing about it the whole day.

* * *

At the World Meeting, Japan was silently watching the footage he had got from Mr. America's house.

"Hey Japan! What is that?" Italy asked him. Japan quickly turned off the footage.

"Nothing Italy-san," Japan said quickly.

"Japan would you mind showing to me after this meeting?" asked England. Japan could not say no to him.

 **AFTER THE MEETING**

England was laughing so hard and France didn't know why.

"What is that Black Sheep?" France asked as he looked at the device Japan was holding. His eyes went wide.

"My Mattie is all grown up now!" France said in tears as his nose bleed.

Canada looked over and he was really confused. He still had a headache too.

America looked away knowing that if Belarus ever saw this, he would be dead. Even if Russia saw this. Dead. Dead he would be.

 **Next Chapter yes! Yes! Review. I like reviews because they make me want to continue the story!**


	3. Chapter 3 Germany and Romano

**Hey! Thanks to fishstick1999, he/she (sorry) gave me the idea of GERMANY AND ROMANO! What kind of crack pairing is this? Anyways lets do this! I checked online and there are some fan pics about them, but I still think Germany and Northern Italy would look cute together :D**

Italy was with Japan to do some German sight seeing. Italy was complaining about how it was so cold on the phone but Japan told him to hang up because of some Police was coming their way. Germany didn't care. He had some alone time for once.

"Potato Bastard come here and eat your pasta," Romano called out from the kitchen.

Germany looked up and smiled as he saw Romano gently set down his pasta plate and hand him a fork. He remembers when they first met. He was so hostile to him and he didn't know why. He had always like him.

"Thank you Romano," Germany said as he ate some pasta. _How does he do it? Why does this always taste so good. Its like beer almost._ Germany thought.

"Why do you always treat my brother like that?" Romano asked so suddenly.

Germany looked up, confused. "What kind of question is that Romano?"

"You heard me. Why do you treat my brother like a baby?" Romano asked again.

Germany's eyes widened as he finally understood.

"I treat him like that because if I am not there to protect him, he would protect himself. If he got hurt, I don't know what I would do," Germany said.

"Oh I see. So you like him more than me?" Romano asked as his voice broke.

"What? No! I like both of you!" Germany wanted Romano to stop crying. He knew about his past and he hated it.

"Why does everyone like Feliciano better? What does he have that I don't? Tell me Germany! TELL ME!" Romano screamed.

Germany stared at him for a few moments. And he finally spoke.

"Romano. Italy is the same as you. He has nothing you don't have. He always says that his older brother is the coolest and he wishes that he grew up with you," Germany said.

Romano looked up at him wide eyes. "Did he really say that?"

"Ja."

Romano leaned over and kissed him. Germany was shocked. He looked wide eyed at the Italian. When Romano finally broke the kiss he was a little upset.

"Why did you do that?" Germany asked.

"Because I couldn't just stand here and listen to you talk fucking non-stop. I needed a way to shut you the hell up that's why," Romano said coldly.

"Now shut the fuck up potato bastard and eat your pasta," Romano said as he started eating.

Germany muttered a quick "Ok" and started eating.

Behind a door Japan and Italy were watching and Japan was taking photos and video.

"AH! How could he!" Italy cried.

"Shut up. I am trying to watch," Japan whispered harshly.

"He is going in the wrong direction," Japan muttered to himself.

"Ohon," France said.

Germany looked over, so did Romano.

"WHAT THEY FUCK! GET THE FUCK OUT NOW!" Romano screamed.

"No need to scream," France said as he left.

Romano smiled smugly and continued eating pasta.

 **HEY! I like the crack pairings! I thought maybe England and Sealand. I saw a picture of them together, and I was like, what?!**


	4. Chapter 4 FLUFF WARNING

**Hello! England and Sealand here! I saw a picture of them together and I was like, hey why not write a story about them? I like all the crack pairings. So remember, I respect your opinions and if you don't like a pairing I consider a crack pairing, I am truly sorry.**

England was sitting down in his comfy chair reading his book. He heard a knock on the door and he got up to answer it. He opened the door and there, standing was Sealand.

"Sealand what do you want?" England asked.

"Jerk Bully I have come to ask you something," Sealand said.

"What?" England said.

"Do you, do you like me?" Sealand asked.

"Like as a father?" England tried to answer truthfully. **(I always looked at them like England was the father and Sealand was his kid.)**

"Yeah. Don't you remember when you left me?" Sealand said.

 _FLASHBACK! (made this up. Sad)_

 _"Come on now troops. We don't need to stay here anymore. It's useless," England said as he guided his troops back to the boats._

 _"England wait! England! Stop!" Sealand cried._

 _"Sealand. Stop crying. You are embarrassing me," England said harshly._

 _"I can't -hic- believe -hic- you are leaving me -hic-," Sealand said between sobs._

 _"We have nothing to do with this fort anymore. I still can't believe that you wanted to become your own nation," England said._

 _"But, but England! Why do you always leave your loved ones? I heard that America left you and you only fought with him and he still loved. I've seen the way you treat France. You didn't even know you had a second son! And now you are leaving me! You old Jerk Bully!" Sealand wailed._

 _"Bloody Hell Sealand. Let go and go back to your room and think about what you said!" The old Brit yelled._

 _"You're going to regret leaving me! One day you will be sorry!" Sealand screamed._

 _England was already on the boat leaving. He really didn't care. Though he was terribly lonely he didn't care. He needed to get away from him anyways._

 _END_

England sighed and said "Sealand, I am sorry."

"You should be you jerk," Sealand replied.

"Sealand, I love you and don't forget, being a country is hard. Don't let the other countries put you down," England really wanted to say something that will help him.

"Ok," Sealand promised.

The next day England got like really drunk.

"Hey Sealand. Did you know if I type your know on Microsoft Word, it says that it doesn't identify your name as a name," England said.

"I KNEW IT! YOU JERK BULLY!" Sealand screamed.

"Sealand I was just kidding. Don't forget Sealand that don't stop trying to be a country. And you have a play date with Latvia tomorrow don't forget," England said.

"I won't!" Sealand said with glee.

From now on, England wanted to be of a dad to Sealand than he was before.

 **Fluff! BEFOREEEE SWEDEN AND FINLAND!**


	5. Chapter 5 England and Scotland

**HEY! Thanks for the reviews, and I felt really nice so I am making an Scotland and England one-shot. Maybe some yaoi later? Review your thoughts! I looked up Scotland and England, and they look really cute together, but I don't know much about them. If this chapter is a fail, I'm buying a one way ticket to Fail Landia.**

When England was young he had always grew up lonely. But until Scotland found him, all he had was Flying Mint Bunny. Even when Scotland found him he didn't care much about him.

England was sitting down playing chess by himself. Well, not by himself, Flying Mint Bunny was there and he was putting up a fight.

"Oh bloody hell Flying Mint Bunny. Beat me again alright," England said aloud. To a normal person he was talking to no one. But in him eyes, he could see him. And he was flying around proudly. Then a certain red head walked by his door.

 **(I'm going to pretend Scotland can see him and can do magic. Like I said, I don't know much about Scotland.)**

"Ah, playing with Flying Mint Bunny aren't you?" Scotland asked.

England looked up for a second and then his face turned into a horrified expression.

"W- WHAT THE BLOODY HELL ARE YOU WEARING?" England screamed.

Not wanting to draw more attention, Scotland went over and put his finger to his younger brothers mouth.

"Shush! It's a kilt! I'm getting ready for a festival you Git!" Scotland said in a whisper.

Now since he was so close, England asked the most random question.

"A festival eh? Now tell me, are you wearing anything under that?" England sounded just like France. He sounded like a pervert.

"It's tradition not to wear anything under a kilt," Scotland said because he was proud.

England went over and kissed him full on the lips.

At first Scotland was shocked, but then he gave in. He kissed back.

"Now Scoty, remember, the Lion always gets what he wants," England purred as he kissed Scotland's neck moving his hands to his kilt.

England looked at him straight in the eye and said, "Now we won't tell our brothers about this?"

Scotland replied, "Yes."

England smirked and pulled him closer. Scotland was not taking this well. His face was as red as Spain's tomatoes.

England continued to kiss Scotland. But every kiss was deeper and deeper. More needy and desperate every time.

England's hands fell to Scotland's kilt. Scotland blushed as he started to take off his kilt.

England's eyes grew hungry but then he heard beeping noises.

Scotland looked at his watch and gasped. "OH! I AM GOING TO BE LATE!"

England was disappointed but then he went back to playing chess with a scarred looking Flying Mint Bunny.

"Come on! Make a move already!" England said as he waited for him to make a move.

Behind a table Japan was looking at his photos.

"No, no. That won't do. What is he thinking? He is not supposed to be with Scotland! France! I see his string of fate and it says France!" Japan mentally screamed.

"Maybe I have to drug his tea more," Japan said hastily.

"Vee~ Japan. Can I get out of this box now?" Italy said.

"Ok Italy-san, but be quiet," Japan stated.

Japan walked over to England's tea and poured some substance in and quickly walked away.

England took a sip of his tea and his eyes widened.

He started coughing and then he fell asleep. Japan smiled. When he woke up he would want to see France. He borrowed something from Romania.

Japan was happy when he left and so was Italy. Germany didn't know why they were so happy, but he didn't want to know either.


End file.
